As some of you may have noticed, the pronouns in my email signature have changed from they/them to she/her. When I was given my initial nonbinary diagnosis, I accepted it because it was a professional therapist who diagnosed me, so I didn't question it. However, over the last few years I have felt increasingly at odds with myself to the point where I had all but lost any sense of who I am and I didn't know why. I felt that I was at war with myself and an important part of me was missing or dormant. This came to a head over Christmas and I nearly had a breakdown. I did a lot of soul searching and I asked myself some very hard questions. I came to the realisation that my initial diagnosis was, in fact, wrong. I am a woman. I knew this when I was four or five years old (when I first realised I wasn’t a boy) but I let fear get in the way and accepted the nonbinary diagnosis because it was safer to do so. I thought that I could still be on the trans spectrum but wouldn’t have to change much and felt it would be easier for me. I was wrong. I don’t want this to come across as me saying that nonbinary people are taking a safe option, nothing could be further from the truth. It is a hard road to traverse, it’s just for me, it was the wrong one. As I say it nearly caused me a breakdown because I subconsciously knew that I was lying to myself (and the rest of the world). With the help and support of my wonderful partner and my named professional at the gender clinic, I have managed to get myself back and I feel better than I have for a long time. I am a woman and have started living as such. I have not felt this complete in my life and I know this is right. Like most things in life, I wish I could have come to this realisation much sooner so I could have lived in my correct role for longer, but I had a few issues I needed to sort out first. I have now started on my hormone journey with a view to having corrective surgery in the (hopefully near) future. My new pronouns are She/Her.
Thank you for the messages of support I have received along the way, they really mean a lot to me.